Robin's Bulletin Board
by Gone2GroundEX
Summary: Messages from the group's Tactician to the Shepherds. Inspired/Idea Stolen from 'Please Stop Eating the Hell Butterflies'. Shorts.
1. Intro

**Title: **Robin's Bulletin Board

**Rating: **PG-ish

**Summary: **Announcements to the Shepherds from their tactician

**Warnings: Absolute crack**

**Notes: **Inspired by (read=idea totally taken from) 'Please Stop Eating The Hell Butterflies' (fanfiction dot net/5982232/1/Please-Stop-Eating-The-Hell-Butterfl ies). This was originally intended to be a tumblr-only thing for me but I figured what the hell there's no reason not to put it up here as well.

In Robin's defense, it had taken several months to get to this point. Pressured by the insane actions around him, the tactician had finally retreated into his tent and refused to come out until they agreed to start behaving.

This agreement was broken five seconds later thanks to a drunken Vaike screaming 'food fight' and it degenerating from there. Robin proceeded to have one of his brainwaves that, thankfully, ensured he would never need to deal with one of these problems again.

The shepherds woke up the next morning to find a large wooden sign outside Robin's tent, with various announcements hammered into it. Amused, they found it consisted mostly of orders for them to stop specific acts.

This encouraged them to start a betting pool around who could get the most insane and/or disturbing event on the bulletin board. Henry's winning.


	2. Chapter 1

**Title: **Robin's Bulletin Board

**Rating: **PG-ish

**Summary: **Announcements to the Shepherds from their tactician

**Warnings: Absolute crack**

**Notes: **Inspired by (read=idea totally taken from) 'Please Stop Eating The Hell Butterflies' ( s/5982232/1/Please-Stop-Eating-The-Hell-Butterflie s)

**All Shepherds: **Has anyone seen Kellam recently?

**Chrom: **We only have so many training dolls, please stop breaking them.

**Lissa: **If I catch you slipping frogs into my tent one more time I'm telling Tharja I'm proposing to you then stepping back to enjoy the fireworks. – YES, I KNOW YOU'RE MARRIED ALREADY (and how on earth you managed to get Lon'qu to agree to that is another mystery) BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK THARJA WILL STOP TO THINK ABOUT THAT

**Frederick: **One pebble is not going to kill Chrom. Being crushed by the bags of pebbles you have collected, however, will. If you're going to insist on this inane practice of clearing the road, at least throw the pebbles to the side instead of leaving sacks of them around camp.

**Sully: **Did you take my copy of "The Rights of Women"?

**Virion: **That last trick shot of yours almost took my eye out. Please stop. – No, telling me it'll make me look like a white Basilio with hair does not help.

**Stahl: **I know you're the one taking our extra food. – Okay, except for the desserts, but we all know that was Gaius and he doesn't even have plausible deniability.

**Vaike: **For the love of Naga, please put a shirt on.

**Miriel: **Vaike's intelligence or lack thereof is not 'absolute zero' for IQ tests.

**Sumia: **You know, that rhubarb /was/ for medicinal purposes. Stop using all of it.

**Kellam: **Sign your name here to make sure I know we didn't leave you on the boat on the way here. _

**Donnel: **Stop planting our carrots, we're marching and by the time they've grown we'll be on the wrong side of the continent. Eat them instead.

**Lon'qu: **Oh for gods sakes man if a woman asks you to help her carry something just do it next time.

**Ricken: **Racks are torture machines, not a method to grow taller.

**Maribelle: **Stop torturing Lon'qu for, and I quote, "Taking your darling away from you"

**Panne: **Stop calling Lon'qu a murderer just because he wears a fur coat. He's from Ferox, it's cold there.

**Gaius : **I know it's you. Stop taking the candy.

**Cordelia : **Please stop correcting everybody all the time , it's irritaing. (Irritating – Cord) - - DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST SPELLCHECK ME?

**Gregor : **Why would you need two hundred gold pieces? – I'm not giving you two hundred gold pieces to go get drunk.

**Nowi : **I know that you're really a few hundred years old, but you look like a prepubescent girl. For the love of Naga, woman, put some clothes on before you get us all arrested for pedophilia _again_

**Libra: **No, Gaius is not actually going to sacrifice his firstborn for candy. Learn to take a joke.

**Tharja: **Stop creeping into my tent at the middle of night to cut off a lock of my hair.

**Anna: **You should be ashamed of yourself for marketing that Rack to Ricken.

**Olivia: ** Please learn how to use a sword properly, you're just dead weight in combat right now. – oh gods please stop crying.

**Cherche: **"Because if you don't I'll feed you to Minerva" is not a catch-all end-all argument.

**Henry: **Put the dead bird back where you found it – I refuse to believe you found it in my tent. Get rid of it. – Why did you borrow my copy of "Necromancy most occult"?

**Lucina: **If there's something I've done wrong, please tell me. – No, I'm just unnerved because every time I glance over my shoulder while you're in the same room you're glaring at my back and polishing your sword.


End file.
